Yesterday I shared a video on my YouTube channel about a situation on my job. I posted the video because I was just annoyed with all the bitterness being displayed by the women on my job towards one another. Our hurt as “black” women can be healed by two things…The Most High and sisterhood. And honestly we’re lacking in both areas.
As a child/teenager I was very social. I mean my mom named me Charisma so it’s not like I had much of a choice. And as I look back, I had all the qualities of a great friend. Although the older I got, around 17, the more tainted I became. The more I felt the need to compare, compete, and compromise. I would compare myself to other “black” women around me. I would pick myself apart, remembering all the subliminal messages fed to me from childhood about the unworthiness of the “black” woman, all while trying to be better than or live up to another person’s standards. That’s where the competition begins.
Of course the majority of the competition is for the attention of the opposite sex, but an undeniable part is for the approval of another sister. It’s natural for women to stick together, but unfortunately for “black” we feel the need to take away from another sister’s talents, beauty, success, etc. We try to out-smart one another, out dress, or just do ANYTHING better than another sister in our circle. Rachel and Leah can be used as an example from Torah. Although their situation was way more dramatic and important than any other competition we have among each other today, it was still a prime example of competition vs congratulations. Leah and Rachel were actual sisters who married the same man Jacob, (There is such an interesting story behind this. Read Genesis chapters 29-31 if you don’t know already) and they were having an actual competition for love, attention, and children. It lead to a lot of pain and disappointments, where as there should have been love between those sisters and congratulations for all achievements they made together.
Now the compromise is ALWAYS the worse part. After all the competition and comparisons, the value for self diminishes. As “black” women we tend to either not think we’re worthy of greatness or that we plainly can’t achieve it. We start to compromise our bodies through sex, mutilation via plastic surgery or drugs, and compromise our dignity. We are worthy of the greatness The Most High has destined for us, but before we can attain it we have to build one another up. I haven’t met one woman who didn’t desire and the love of a man, but we need a better understanding of the love we can give each other. No one understands a “black” woman like another “black” woman. No one can listen to another “black” woman like another “black” woman. No one can appreciate another “black” woman like another black woman. We have to be a sisters and daughters before we can be wives and mothers.
Compliment a sister today. Listen to a sister today. Show compassion to a sister today. SHALOM